A Guide to Surviving the Twinkiepocalypse

The first time I had a Twinkie, I think I was about 18 years old. The sugary cakes were not part of my childhood diet, so I don’t have a life long connection to them. This morning, when I read that Hostess will be shutting down their Twinkie operation, I was only a little bit sad. I did, however, sympathize with my fellow snack lovers. This must be how I felt when I found out they were discontinuing Crystal Pepsi or Spicy Cajun Dirty Chips. Here are a few strategies you can use in surviving the end of the cream-filled sponge cake era:

  • Buy a Twinkie before they’re all gone and DEEP FRY it. It’s the ‘Merican way!
  • Use it as padding for your science project. For those of us who grew up watching the Full House, we all remember the episode where Uncle Jesse and Uncle Joey are helping DJ with her egg drop project. One of the things they use to cushion the falling egg was a tasty, fluffy Hostess Twinkie. Sure, it didn’t really protect the egg, but maybe it’ll keep something else from breaking apart? Or maybe the egg only cracker because it was dropped from too high a point? If you’re in the mood to crack a few eggs, I challenge you to try this and share with us your results.
  • Record the decomposition of an unwrapped Twinkie (and then pat yourself on the back for wasting that much of your life). Or if you’re impatient, read about someone else who did this experiment. Personally, i’d like to see a video of it, since all I seem to be able to find is time lapse videos of Twinkies NOT decomposing…
  • And finally, learn how to make your own (and then get ready to sell them on the black market)! Back in high school, I used to sell brownies in between classes for pocket money. I bet you could get your kid to sell some during recess and bring you back a cut. These are trying times, after all. Must learn how to be entrepreneurs. Here are a few Twinkie recipes to try out:

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